Many African women with HIV have suffered blame and abuse at the hands of their male partners, who accuse them of 'bringing HIV into the family'.
Such accusations are unfair, as they ignore the fact that women can contract HIV from their male partners (who may not have yet taken an HIV test). Such accusations also suggest that it is only women who have affairs outside of the relationship. Unfortunately, because of the lack of empowerment, some HIV positive women end up suffering prolonged verbal or even physical abuse.
You may have become HIV positive following an incident over which you had no control. For example, you may have been forced to have sex by a violent partner, or been a victim of rape or sexual assault in your home country. Alternatively you may have been ‘inherited’ by the brother or cousin of a dead husband, and contracted HIV from that relative.
Often, people who accuse others over HIV do so to hide their own lack of knowledge about HIV. Give them some basic information about HIV, perhaps a leaflet or web page. It is also crucial for your partner to take an HIV test, if they have not already done so.
Dealing with blame
Talking to your partner will often help to cool things down. For example, if your partner is blaming you for infecting him with HIV, you can point out that it was unintended, and that with treatment both of you should live healthily for a long time.
Emphasise that it is vital to learn how to manage living with HIV, rather than dwelling upon how you contracted it. THT Directcan provide you with information and advice in this area.
What other people say
Other people in your circle, such as friends and relatives, may be blaming or talking badly about you. Or you could be a member of a faith group where people who have HIV are viewed as ‘sinners’. Often, all of this is due to ignorance.
The more people know about HIV and how it is transmitted, the more likely they are to understand that HIV is a risk to everyone, regardless of their morality. Explain to them the facts around HIV, taking care to point out that people who have the virus did not choose to have it.
Domestic violence
It is illegal for anyone to attack a member of their family. If you are being beaten up, verbally or sexually assaulted by your partner – either because of your HIV status or for other reasons - you should seek help immediately.
In almost every borough in the UK, there is a refuge where women who suffer or are at risk of domestic violence can get help. Contact THT Direct for more information.