If you are HIV positive, choosing who to tell can be a difficult decision and it's important to think about how different people may react to being told that you have been diagnosed with HIV.
You may feel like telling people soon after you receive your HIV diagnosis - but remember that once you’ve told someone you can't 'un-tell' them.
Things to think about include:
- Why do I want to disclose my HIV status to this person?
- Are there any benefits to telling them?
- Are they good at talking about emotional issues?
- How would I like them to react ideally?
- What will I do if they don’t react in the way I expect or hope for?
- Can I trust them not to tell other people,
- Can I trust them not to tell other people, e.g. in school, college or at university?
Telling someone that you have HIV can be a very positive experience and will hopefully mean that you have someone to offer you support.
But you have to be prepared for different reactions. Some people may become upset at your news, especially if they don’t know much about HIV. It might be useful to have some basic information to hand for them to look at and provide reassurance, such as Understanding HIV published by Terrence Higgins Trust or The Basics range published by NAM. Once people realise you can lead a normal life with HIV they may be better able to support you.
If you have a partner who is HIV negative they may want to tell other people like friends or family that you are HIV positive. It is important to discuss this together, but as the HIV positive person you should have the final say on who knows about your diagnosis. If you don’t want to tell anyone else that you are living with HIV, one compromise could be for your partner to talk to a counsellor or go to a support group.
If you are happy for someone outside of your relationship to know about your diagnosis, decide who to tell with your partner so that you can both get the best support.
Unfortunately some people may not react in the way you hope and may be unkind or discriminatory. If this happens there is support available to you such as THT Direct, counselling or support groups. Use our Service Finder to locate your nearest ones.
On the other hand you may find that people have very positive reactions and offer you a lot of support.
Before disclosing it can be helpful to talk it over with a healthcare professional at your clinic or an HIV Health Trainer.